Sadness at the Ranch

This past two weeks have been somewhat bittersweet. Got a new truck, finished school, hit deer with new truck, house appraisal in hopes that refinance goes thru and now, today, a great sadness has descended upon the ranch. My BFF in the whole wide world seems to be on his last legs or paws. Riley, dear sweet lovable Riley, turned 15 years old on 11/8. This morning we went thru our usual routine, alarm goes off and 3 pups head for the back door for their morning potty break. They usually stay out while I shower, breakfast and get everything ready to head for work. I went to let them back in this morning, Riley was sitting on my tractor, as usual. The last couple months he has had problems getting off the tractor, I think because his vision is failing. This morning was no surprise, he was up and couldn't get down. I picked him up and set him down on the ground and he proceeded to collapse in front of me. He had no control of his rear extremities and couldn't stand up. I picked him up and carried him inside. He was shaking so hard, like he just couldn't get warm. I put him in bed and covered him with 2 blankets and he was still shaking. He always follows me to the front door when I leave but this morning, he didn't even lift his head when I said goodbye. I just wanted to cry and I wanted to stay home, but I had to go to work.

When I got home this evening, Riley was still in the bed. He had moved, he had himself propped up against the window. He drug himself to the edge of the bed and tried to hop down but couldn't. I picked him up and put him back in the center of the bed and covered him back up with his blanket and layed down with him. As the evening went on, he became a little more mobile and actually ate his dinner. I"d like to get my hopes up, but not sure its a good idea. He still drags his rear legs and he can't hold his balance. He's still shaking like he can't get warm.

I'm in a position now where I have to decide the fate of my best friend. How do I make the decision of whether my best friend gets to continue living or if he should die? I've had to make this decision before and you would think it would get easier each time you have to do it, but it doesn't. Each one of these special friends that God gives us is so uniquely different, personality, little quirks, vocalizations, the way they snuggle or play. How do I give up my best friend of 15 years? How do I go on without him? Do I wait it out and see if he gets better or do I just end it now and hope its the right decision? I can't stand to see him suffer and I won't let him. Thankfully he doesn't appear to be in any pain. All he wants to do is be near me and comfort me. Why are our dogs granted so few years to share our lives? Why can't he be with me for another 15 years?

After watching him all evening, I'm beginning to think that he may have had a stroke and that is what is causing the paralysis that comes and goes. I don't know how to say goodbye to this one, he is like so many of my other dogs but yet he is so totally different. He has compassion and intellect and a sense of humor....man he really loves to play jokes and horse around...when I was part of the clown troop at Stones, Riles was right there with me in his little tuxedo and top hat, loving every minute of it. He's never met a stranger and if he didn't like somebody, by golly, I knew to stay away from them because he generally loved everybody he met.

I don't know whats gonna happen tomorrow, maybe God will choose to heal whatever this affliction is or perhaps He will just let him slip into slumber and chase those dadburn rabbits he was never able to catch or a decision may have to be made depending on his condition when we wake up. Whatever happens, please be praying for Riley and me...because right now I don't know what I"m going to do without him.